immortals
by Ricky the King
Summary: Thing 1 has added Thing 2, Sound of Silence, Bergameister, ReadingPoe, YoungestCamorrista, Just Ennis to the group. Thing 1 has renamed this conversation to "#immortals"
1. the beginning of the end

welcome to hell!

yeah this is the baccano! texting AU that no one asked for. here are some screen names to keep everyone in check:  
Thing 1: Isaac  
Thing 2: Miria  
Sound of Silence: Keith  
Bergameister: Berga  
ReadingPoe: Luck  
YoungestCamorrista: Firo  
Just Ennis: Ennis  
TheBookkeeper: Maiza  
WellNoMatter: Ronnie

* * *

 ** **Thing 1**** has added ****Thing 2, Sound of Silence, Bergameister, ReadingPoe, YoungestCamorrista, Just Ennis**** to the group.

 ** **Thing 1**** has renamed this conversation to "#immortals"

YoungestCamorrista: something new?

Bergameister: ? what is this

Just Ennis: It looks like a group chat.

Thing 1: That's exactly what it is!

Bergameister: obvisouly its a group chat

Bergameister: *obviously

Bergameister: but what is the purpose

Thing 2: For us to chat! Isaac thought it would be a good idea, and I thought so too!

ReadingPoe: Sorry I was reading something. What is this?

Thing 1: A group chat for all of the immortals! Well, some of them, anyway.

YoungestCamorrista: i was gonna say

YoungestCamorrista: theres not too many of us in here

Sound of Silence: …

 ** **Sound of Silence**** added ****TheBookkeeper, WellNoMatter**** to the group.

Sound of Silence: Have fun.

YoungestCamorrista: NO

Just Ennis: I think Firo just choked. Are you okay?

YoungestCamorrista: i repeat, NO

Bergameister: hey look its firo's dads

TheBookkeeper: I'm not sure he likes us having that title

Thing 2: Should we introduce ourselves?

ReadingPoe: We all know each other.

ReadingPoe: Also Firo, your typing skills have gotten worse since the last time we talked. You stopped capitalizing your "I"s.

YoungestCamorrista: fuck u i type how i want

Bergameister: #edgyteen

YoungestCamorrista: im not a teen fuck u too berga

Just Ennis: Firo, be nice

WellNoMatter: Yes Firo, be nice. That's an order from your father

YoungestCamorrista: Ronnie i stg u r not my dad

YoungestCamorrista: ill listen to ennis but not to Ronnie

TheBookkeeper: It's okay Firo, we still love you

YoungestCamorrista: ffs

Bergameister: what a beautiful family

YoungestCamorrista: ok technically we r family but

TheBookkeeper: So that means we're your fathers

YoungestCamorrista: gdi maiza no i wasnt gonna say that

Just Ennis: I think you two would be great dads, Firo just doesn't want to admit it.

YoungestCamorrista: why do you all hate me

TheBookkeeper: Thank you, Ennis!

WellNoMatter: So kind of you.

WellNoMatter: If only our son could be more like you.

YoungestCamorrista: rude

YoungestCamorrista: i guess this is my life now

Thing 1: Wait, Ronnie and Maiza are a couple?

ReadingPoe: Yes.

Bergameister: yea

Just Ennis: Yep!

WellNoMatter: Where have you been that you didn't know that?

ReadingPoe: Well, you two aren't exactly open about it.

YoungestCamorrista: dont encourage them to be more gay

Thing 2: What's wrong with being happy? :)

YoungestCamorrista: oh you know what i meant. gay, as in homosexual, as in what they are

Thing 2: Oh. Well, they can be gay if they want to, right?

YoungestCamorrista: yes but they cant be like super gay

TheBookkeeper: Just because of that, we're going to kiss in public now

WellNoMatter: Are you being petty?

TheBookkeeper: Yes I am, but only to spite our son

YoungestCamorrista: STOP CALLING ME UR SON

ReadingPoe: I have a feeling this is going to be a very eventful chat.


	2. people get added

lots of people get added lmao okay also a bit of explanation about the kalia thing: kalia is a witch, an animagus and her animal form is a dragon so there's that, it's another one of my strange headcanons  
new screennames:  
BlackHairedBeauty: Kalia  
PianoPlayer: Kate  
WorldisMine: Claire  
Wordless: Chane  
BombFreak: Nice  
brbcrying: Jacuzzi  
LovelyEvening: Eve

* * *

Bergameister: Kalia is mad at me

YoungestCamorrista: water is wet

YoungestCamorrista: the sun rose today

YoungestCamorrista: what other facts r u gonna share with us

Bergameister: ha ha i'm laughing so hard rn

Bergameister: actually i'm not but anyway she's mad cause i didn't tell her about the group chat and now she wants in

Just Ennis: I'm sure it would be fine to add her.

Bergameister: i'm not sure i want to, that would give her yet another platform for her to yell at me on

ReadingPoe: How did she find out if you didn't tell her?

Bergameister: she grabbed my phone

Bergameister: plus she's like partially psychic or something i swear, she knows these things

ReadingPoe: Well go ahead and add her, if you don't none of us will hear the end of it.

Bergameister: ugh i hate making decisions

 **Bergameister** has added **BlackHairedBeauty** to the group.

BlackHairedBeauty: YOOO

BlackHairedBeauty: -hacker voice- i'm in

Bergameister: i just heard you say that out loud you're such a nerd

BlackHairedBeauty: how dare you

ReadingPoe: Hello, Kalia

BlackHairedBeauty: hi luck

BlackHairedBeauty: who else is here?

ReadingPoe: Check the participants list, it's right at the top of the chat.

BlackHairedBeauty: right right

Just Ennis: Hi Kalia! How have you been?

BlackHairedBeauty: so formal

BlackHairedBeauty: i'm fine but i barely slept last night bc someone's phone kept going off

Bergameister: it's not my fault these guys talk a lot why do you always blame me for everything

BlackHairedBeauty: i see keith here but no kate? where tf is my little sister

Sound of Silence: She didn't ask to be added.

YoungestCamorrista: whoa he typed

ReadingPoe: Yes, he does that sometimes.

BlackHairedBeauty: well what're you waiting for? add her ass!

ReadingPoe: I'm not sure this chat would be Kate's speed.

Bergameister: kate doesn't deserve to suffer like this she's a good woman

BlackHairedBeauty: she'll be fine she's a big girl

BlackHairedBeauty: add her! this chat needs more women

 **Sound of Silence** has added **PianoPlayer** to the group.

TheBookkeeper: Good morning everyone – oh, I see we have new people?

BlackHairedBeauty: u know us

BlackHairedBeauty: hi kate!

PianoPlayer: Oh, hello everyone! Keith did you add me?

Sound of Silence: Yes.

PianoPlayer: This seems like fun, how is everyone?

Bergameister: feeling sorry for you, this chat is full of weirdos

YoungestCamorrista: ur one to talk buddy u married a literal dragon?

BlackHairedBeauty: i'm only a dragon sometimes. being a witch is fun

Just Ennis: Dragons are interesting

BlackHairedBeauty: thank u enni true pal

Bergameister: dragons burned my crops

BlackHairedBeauty: that was one time don't hold it against me

PianoPlayer: No need to feel sorry for me, I'm having a good time watching you talk. I think I even heard Keith snicker.

YoungestCamorrista: keith expresses human emotion?

ReadingPoe: Only sometimes.

Thing 2: I just had an amazing thought! Well Isaac did but he's in the bathroom so I'm saying it instead.

Thing 2: We should add Eve! And Jacuzzi and Nice!

ReadingPoe: That reminds me, we've forgotten someone.

YoungestCamorrista: who? are jacuzzi and nice?

Thing 2: Friends of mine and Isaac's! And who did we forget Luck?

ReadingPoe: Claire. Or Felix. Whatever he's going by these days.

YoungestCamorrista: oh god please dont add claire we have suffered enough

ReadingPoe: You know if he finds out about this and we didn't tell him we'll be in for a world of hurt anyway, right?

YoungestCamorrista: dont tell him then he doesnt have to know

ReadingPoe: You know how he is, he's going to find out anyway. He probably already knows…

Thing 1: Felix is a fun guy, add him!

YoungestCamorrista: why do u all hate me

Thing 2: I'll add the others!

 **ReadingPoe** added **WorldisMine** to the group.

 **Thing 2** added **LovelyEvening, BombFreak, brbcrying** to the group.

LovelyEvening: Oh my, there's a lot of people here…

BombFreak: 'sup bitches

brbcrying: nice why

brbcrying: what is this? i'm a little worried

Thing 2: It's a group chat! Me and Isaac started it!

LovelyEvening: Isaac and I, Miria.

YoungestCamorrista: he hasnt even said anything yet maybe we're free

WorldisMine: :)

YoungestCamorrista: fuck

WorldisMine: So this is the group chat, huh? Looks like fun!

WorldisMine: Hold on I'm adding Chane

Bergameister: i regret my decision there's too many people here

BlackHairedBeauty: the more the merrier

 **WorldisMine** has added **Wordless** to the group.

Wordless: …

ReadingPoe: Welcome to hell.

ReadingPoe: I'm blaming Berga for this.

YoungestCamorrista: me 2

Bergameister: thanks guys youre such good friends /s

Wordless: What is this? I'm still trying to work this new phone Claire got me.

WorldisMine: It's Felix, and it's a group chat apparently.

YoungestCamorrista: shes never gonna call u that

WorldisMine: I know, I just like saying my own name. Felix. It's so fun.

Just Ennis: It always makes me think of Felix the cat

WorldisMine: OMG me too!

BlackHairedBeauty: im surrounded by nerds lmao

PianoPlayer: Watch what you say Kali, remember when Star Wars came out? You were all over that.

BlackHairedBeauty: idk what ur talking about

BlackHairedBeauty: anyway new people introduce yourselves

LovelyEvening: Oh! I think you already know me but I'm Eve Genoard, it's very nice to meet you all.

brbcrying: ok i think im done having a panic attack now

brbcrying: im jacuzzi splot

BombFreak: and I'm his wife, Nice Holystone

ReadingPoe: Who do you work for?

brbcrying: oh we live with the genoards,,, yeah

brbcrying: who are you?

ReadingPoe: Luck Gandor.

LovelyEvening: Mr. Gandor, it's very nice to see you again.

LovelyEvening: Or, well, speak to you. Since we aren't exactly looking at each other.

ReadingPoe: You too.

Bergameister: wait arent you the one with the pos brother

LovelyEvening: I wouldn't describe him that way but yes I do have a brother, Dallas

brbcrying: oh yeah dallas he's not so bad now, i think eve finally got through to him

YoungestCamorrista: i'll believe it when i see it lmao

YoungestCamorrista: and i dont really feel like seein it

LovelyEvening: He'll probably ask about this, knowing him…

Thing 2: Well, it has been a long time

Thing 1: A very long time!

Thing 1: 86 years according to my calculator!

YoungestCamorrista: omg u had to use a calc

Bergameister: like you don't use one

YoungestCamorrista: i just use my fingers like a civilized person

Just Ennis: I wonder if Czeslaw would like to join…

YoungestCamorrista: no spare him please hes not ready

TheBookkeeper: I feel like this would be a bit too much for Czes.

Bergameister: this is a bit too much for everyone honestly

Bergameister: anyway i gotta go kali wants grilled cheese and shes not allowed to use the stove so i have to make it

Just Ennis: Have fun!

ReadingPoe: Goodbye.

LovelyEvening: Bye!

brbcrying: nice to meet you!

BombFreak: adios

WellNoMatter: Sorry Maiza and I were making out, what did I miss?

YoungestCamorrista: RONNIE


End file.
